Uncluttering our Belief Systems

I came across a book entitled Momfulness by Denise Roy while I was resting this afternoon. My shelf is filled with half-read books that interest me at the moment. Most of it pertaining to personal growth and now, yoga. I am still looking for my momentum to actually go into the practice after having taken a teacher training course called KidzYoga. Today was one of those days I chose to practice it and came across this book.

An entry I read was on uncluttering our surroundings and our lives to make room for new energies, new experiences and in the process finding ourselves and our relationships.

Uncluttering our minds from old belief systems we have collected through the years is also important for us to uncover our true selves. The true selves we are born to be who is present in our hearts if only we can hear her/him through the many voices running around our heads. Some of mine are "hurry, hurry, hurry" - this robs me of the joy of my son who loves to play and take his time and talks a mile a minute. Instead of enjoying his actions and antics, I find myself becoming crabby and impatient, losing the joy of the moment in the process. Another belief system is "Don't be messy!!!" I have many of these and they have been running my life and robbing me of the ability to enjoy life.

The book gives great advise on clearing the clutter: Ask yourself, does this belief bring me joy? Do I love it? if not, then, discard it in your imaginary trash bin. Feel how much lighter we will be in our lives and how much more joy we will find in it.

As we unclutter our belief systems and our mind brings us more silence, we will come closer to being the person we were meant to be.

What beliefs do you have running around in your head that you believe do not serve you anymore? 

Belief systems and how they can control our life

Power and energy are two words that have negative meanings to me. At some point in my childhood I received that power and energy are bad. Because of this I carried in my belief system that power in any form was bad.

Since power is very much related to energy, my energy levels have been very low. I lived with lethargy, laziness, procrastination, and stuckness. I also disliked being in noisy places filled with energy and power. I preferred quiet to a room full of energetic, boisterous people. I was not aware that all my actions were interrelated to this belief system.

Last Sunday, I was invited to attend a workshop called Fully Charged given by RCW Foundation. The day was filled with high energy exercises and we were given tools we could use to fully charge our life batteries at any given time and with any given state. Coming from my duties as market vendor at the Sidcor Sunday Market, I arrived in a sleepy state and with very low energy. Soon after some exercises, my sleepiness and lethargy left, keeping me awake the entire day. As my energy dwindled, clapping or doing some of the exercises enabled me to activate the positive energy thereby keeping me awake and in the zone the whole time.

It was only the day after that I realized that I could not be with power and energy and therefore I could not have power and energy. This realization has given me the power to now choose a life of power and energy over a life of stuckness and procrastination.

Once in a while it is important to revisit our belief systems to check if they are good for our health and our life or if they are damaging to it. If it is the latter, then we can choose to either keep it or discard it. At least becoming aware of them gives us control over our lives.

Our Heart and Mind

I have been reading several books and posts on the heart-mind connection lately. What I have been reading is life-changing and empowering.

What I have been learning since my exposure to workshops and seminars on personal transformation is that we are all born complete--we all have within ourselves the capacity to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others as well as the capacity to achieve our dreams, be whoever we want to be and have whatever we want to have. It is what happens to us in the course of our life that this power disappears and gets buried within us. It is still there--it is just waiting to be discovered. Those who have already found it are living their dreams and having the time of their lives and succeeding, not just in their personal relationships but in their financial relationships as well.

What does this have to do with our heart and mind? What I am learning is that within our heart lies our spirit or soul. This is nothing new to us. We learned this in school as Catholics but sometimes we take it for granted. As human beings we are made up of soul and body. We learn that when we die, it is our souls that will live on.

What I have learned is that our mind protects our soul from painful experiences. When we experience situations that hurt us, our mind comes to the rescue of our heart. In doing so, it buries our spirit or soul until such time that it is allowed to heal. Each time healing happens, parts of our soul recovers. We rediscover the joy of life.

How does this show up in our life? Sometimes something as mundane as being unable to speak our thoughts. Maybe we grew up in a household that frowned on children speaking up and airing their views. Sometimes this experience leaves the adult unable to stand up for himself. This is what happened to me. Slowly though I am healing from this. As a result, I have a better relationship with my family, I speak up when something is done to me that I do not like--my spirit feels joyful whenever I am able to speak up about something I do not like because that was never possible in the past.

What I am learning is that our soul can also help us now while we are alive. Our soul or our spirit which dwells within our heart can help us find our true selves in this journey of life. It is accessing our soul that we have to learn. It is learning to differentiate the voice of our mind from the voice of our soul that will empower us. It is accessing the beauty within us that will power our lives.

Taking a Stand

As I sat along the wall of Manila Bay to catch the sunset this afternoon, I marveled at how good it felt to take a stand. I was there along with a few other thousands to protest further reclamation of Manila Bay. Our protest was simple: just a group of people who happened to be at the Bay during sunset.

Aside from losing our sunset, can you imagine the higher floods we will experience because the water will have no place to go?

Taking a stand is something new to me. It is only recently that I am finally learning to stand up for what I believe is right. Taking a stand is only possible though if you believe in yourself and what you stand for otherwise you will be carried by the crowd around you and you will just go with the flow. This highlights once more the importance of genuinely loving and believing in oneself.

Shine Light, Shine!

I have sat in front of this computer a million times the past months intending to write a post but coming up empty handed--not because I have nothing to write about but because of this fear of going back to old unproductive habits. In the end, by not doing any writing, I have found myself mired in the old habit of allowing life to go by.

I have been so scared of showing up in the world and so pre-occupied with not being noticed that in the end nothing happens and I only have myself to blame for that.

I declare 2013 to be the year I get out of this habit. From this day on, I intend to write an entry daily about life's experiences and reflections on them. In Marianne Williamson's immortal words, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world..." (excerpt from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles. Published by Harper Collins, 1992)

2013, having been declared as the year of faith by the Catholic Church, it is a great time to start cultivating faith in God, in myself, and what I have to offer others.

To Maggie, my ever dearest cousin

Dear Maggie,

We just finished putting your ashes in its final resting place today. As you may have seen, there was an outpouring of love from your family and friends for you and for your family.

The reality of your passing is just hitting me now. Although we went our separate ways as adults and rarely saw each other, I continue to cherish the times we did see each other.

I will never forget the cheerful face that greeted us in room 1654 the Sunday we brought Fr. Bert to say mass for you. I'm glad I went with mom and Fr. Bert as this was my last time to see you. Your cheerfulness and lightness of being through the pains you must have been experiencing has shown me another way of carrying whatever challenges may be thrown my way.

That was always your way--cheerful, smiling, happy, defender of others. As memories of growing up together comes flashing back, they are always images of you laughing with some serious moments in between and of course juicy chismis times to spice up our young life. I need not say that eating in the kitchen was often a part of those times.

You took me under your wing and I was always grateful for that. I find myself constantly looking back these days and laughing at the memories. It is constantly reminding me to enjoy life and laughter. Rest easy my dear cousin. Enjoy your stay with our merciful and loving Father. We now have our personal guardian angel to watch over us and intercede for us.

I love you. Say hello to lolo, lola, onie, Tito Vic, Chat and Tito. I am sure that they are all eager to see you and welcome you into their embrace.

Growing Up and Growing Out

I took the LRT to my meeting yesterday. It brought back memories of my stay in Paco, Manila where I lived for two years--although life was more difficult than what I was used to, it was the time in my life where I grew up into adulthood (at the tender age of 44. hehehe) and one of the happiest times of my life.

I am one of those privileged enough to have a car bring me to school and back, bring me to work and back. We have a driver and helpers to do the housework. I enjoyed the privilege--I didn't have to walk to the corner to grab a ride, I didn't need to elbow my way into a ride during rush hour.

I didn't realize though that these experiences were contributing to my stunted growth in adulthood. It disabled me instead of enabling me. It left me in fear of the world outside the confines of the four walls of our house, and the world outside the windows of our car. Although one sees the world in a car, the airconditioner and closed windows cuts you off from the realities of life--from the sounds, smell, and heat that the rest of the world experiences.

I moved out of the house in 2005 and stayed in a studio unit in the V. Luna area. I can still feel the cool air and the feeling of "the world isn't so scary after all" while I was walking by myself in search of a way to get to office. Martin and I lived in this studio for a year and developed our own memories that cemented our ties as a family unit. We moved back to my mom's house when I was pregnant and moved out again when Javo was a little more than one year old.

It was at this point that we moved to Paco and created more memories as a family. It was also at this time where I was exposed to more realities of life--to the market vendors just a few feet away, to some of the vagrants who had no place to call their own. In living among them I discovered that the world was a friendly place to live in. That it was not as scary as I thought it was. Of course the dangers were still there. My sister-in-law had her necklace snatched at one point.

But learning to commute--ride the jeep, the bus, the LRT, learn how to get down in the middle of Taft and not be run over by an oncoming bus. Navigating the planks that appeared during the rainy season to get to dry land, learning to squeeze myself into a packed train car during rush hour to get home before it was very dark. I haven't learned to commute at night though. My courage and sense of discovery and need has not taken me that far yet.

Javo's first few years had him running a block from our house to my in-law's place. He saluted and spoke to those who would talk to him--the guard, the sari-sari store owner, the jeepney passengers. I want my son to grow up being a friend to both worlds. I want him to grow up fearless of the people around him but in order to do this, I must learn to stand aside, let him explore and curb my instinct to keep him protected from life.