Mom and Me

I have been wanting to share my wonderful journey with mom for the longest time. But past conditionings--statements and actions made while I was growing up has made me very wary about saying anything to my mom and dad too. My siblings always threw lines like "tama na yan, Marla. Ayan ka na naman." And so I looked for friends who were willing to listen to my stories and my inquiries into life.

We were told not to cry while we were growing up. We were also criticized for shortcomings. They were meant well but were not received well. And so I stopped talking about the things that mattered most to me.

Things changed though when Alan, my youngest brother, asked me to support him and share my experience with the Landmark Forum to my family. Alan attended the Forum because of me but has remained active these past six years while I found other ways to travel through life. I agreed to support him as this has been so much a part of who he is and this meant a lot to him. It would also give me an opportunity to finally openly share of myself to my family. I was always scared I would fall short in their eyes as I seemed to do my whole life.

So when mom asked me about the Landmark Forum last Saturday. I finally opened up and told her of the many things I had gotten. It was great because it was a two-way conversation where she said she gets those from the many spiritual activities she attends. It was finally the conversation I had longed for--not the adult to child conversation they were accustomed to giving us and still gives me but a sharing of ideas and values and of what was important to us. This experience was my first weekend victory.

The next day I had an opportunity to share with a group. I was the last because I was not sure if I was needed or not. Something moved me to speak up though and talk and share to the people who mattered most to me. This was for me another victory because it appears to be the stop of my life. The one step I needed to do to help me move on with my life.

I feel that I have finally completed the past and the world is once more wide open and I am in a space where anything is possible! For that I thank Alan and my family--for giving me my life and opening up my world.